Okay, so PERSONALLY I LOVE rude people they crack me up, even if they are rude to me …I don’t mind because I do not get fazed easily! I mean it is the unexpected-ness of the statements that kills me!
Billy Walsh Played by Rhys Coiro on one of my favorite shows, Entourage, has to be one of the most rude and negative characters since on Television. However, his horrible attitude brought about some good laughs.
Here are some of his quotes that have me 6 ft under:
”You suck at your job, you got a Napoleonic complex, and I’m gonna f%^k your mother if I ever meet her.”
”Walsh: Only two people have seen it, my editor and my mother.
Shana:Oh Ya What did your mother think?
Walsh: She said it sucked. But she is a f%^kin moron!”
Now here is a story that is trully a masterpiece, I had to change names to protect the identity of the victim of this harsh tongue lashing! (this story is set in Uganda, so excuse the references to certain locations and so on!)
This is a tale of a 2 minute encounter with the devil herself. A saga of embarrassing proportions. An epic that left me aghast in shame, standing there in total disbelief of what had befallen your humble narrator, please give me a second while I pick up my jaw from the floor…….uh, there it goes, right back in place, now listen to this.
Thursday night, no power at home, and I was on the prowl for that legendary mid week pint, nothing was going to stop me, not even the recently increased beer prices. As the malt liquor from the first bottle was flowing smoothly like a river down my throat to the kidney for color separation and eventual pissing, the phone rang and interrupted a bite of pork that we are so enjoying, now that the Muslims are fasting, it was ‘John.’
“Dawg, Gabs is on, drag yo ass here there are few people”
Who am I to jam proggie! I was in Gabs faster than u can say speed, and organised that first pint, never mind it’s now at 4 thou bucks at the renovated Gabs, they really want their investment returns fast!
At the bar was one of those ‘Anderson’ chicks, the yellow one (‘Bert’, don’t report me) who beckoned me over for that usual bar talk of “nga you are so lost…”, meanwhile a certain wench was seated next to her, feeling too ballistic yet she was as dark as load shedding!
As a gentleman, I extended my hand to greet the nasty bitch, she turned and stared at me like I was a murder suspect, then mustered the energy to open her mandibles and yawn garbage, “I don’t shake hands with strangers”, was all the bollockery she mentioned, and turned back to her pint in real bitch fashion.
Who the hell does she think she is? This bitch had pimples all over her arm she could be poached and skinned for purposes of making shoes and belts, crocodiles are rare these days.
I quickly retreated by hanging hand like Al Shabbab in Mogadishu before anyone could see me and shell me for 6 months and quickly dashed back to my pint and started pondering ways of slaughtering this un-couth wench. First i figure out where she lives then I send for her Tonku, but then we’ll need to confirm the presence of a septic tank in the vicinity where to hide her nasty self after skinning her for hides for export to Gucci!
Soon the whole bar was full, so i hastily retreated to familiar territory near Spot after, La Paz, where the waitresses were all waiting to shake my hand.
This story is EPICAL in insane proportions